Most Hateful of All Things: Adult Bullying

A lot of discussions have been taking place regarding bullying, both face to face and online. We are concerned, and rightly so, about the physical and psychological damage done to bullied children and young adults.

Unfortunately, it's not just students who are subjected to the pain of being bullied.

I have recently witnessed instances of adult online bullying. One person felt so threatened that he/she shut down all personal interactive sites, including Facebook, a blog, and Twitter. Another has withdrawn from commenting and only lurks where once he/she was an enthusiastic participant.

Many of us verbally spar with Twitter friends or leave dissenting comments on postings. Yet most of us understand the line dividing teasing from tormenting.

This is my public declaration that if I ever become aware of deliberate, persistent bullying taking place in Twitter, or in any of my other online spaces, I will publish the name of the bully and the nature of the taunting.

I won't tolerate bullies, and neither should anyone else.

"Most fatal, most hateful of all things is bullying." -D.H. Lawrence


"pain d'epices" by Mzelle Biscotte

A Meaningful Meme: Bullying

"st stanislaus is beaten by his brother" by antmoose

Clay Burell has once again challenged bloggers to think, respond, and make a difference.

In "A Meaningful Meme: Your 'Bullied Then, Successful Now' Stories" he re-links us to a podcast posting about his personal experiences with bullies and asks readers to share their own stories.

To be honest, my childhood was undramatic and largely uneventful. I was subject to some teasing about being chubby, which caused a lot of pre-teen angst, but my strong sense of self was able to bring me through this period relatively unscathed. I'm still conscious of my weight, but my eating habits are moderate and I don't have unreasonable expectations about my appearance. One positive result of my less-than-lean years is that I'm sensitive to the weight anxiety of others, particularly young females, and take care never to make any remarks that might be interpreted as critical of their body type.

With motherhood came an unexpected surge of rage and aggression when dealing with bullies: anyone who taunted or tormented my children had to deal with my militant protective instincts. My son and daughter have each fought their own battles with bullies, but the story is theirs to tell, if they so choose.

Now, as a teacher, I have come up against the latest, most vicious, form of bullying, cyber bullying. A school social worker told me that this is a very real danger, more traumatic than face to face bullying for a number of reasons:

• it occurs 24/7 so the victim can not escape even if physically removed from the bullies
• the (perceived) anonymity of the Internet encourages people who would not normally engage in bullying behavior to become cruel and verbally abusive
• others join in and goad the "combatants," frequently expanding the number of people involved, sometimes even drawing parents into the fracas
• online confrontations can spill over into real life, resulting in fights at school
• for those who are unable to cope with cyber bullying, there can be tragic results

There are a number of excellent online resources that deal with cyber bullying, cyber safety, and good digital citizenship. NetSmartz, WiredSafety, and the National Crime Prevention Council provide information on these issues.

The company for which I am a consultant, CyberSmart!, offers a free K-8 online curriculum with standards-based lesson plans and activity sheets that cover all aspects of responsible Internet use. There will be additions made to existing CyberSmart! lessons on bullying to create a complete bullying package of lessons for grades 2-12 available by beginning of the 2008-09 school year.

If you haven't done so yet, be sure to watch Growing Up Online, the PBS documentary about how the Internet impacts the lives of our children.

Even those of us who weren't personally victimized by bullies recognize their power for evil. Whether face to face or online, bullying is unacceptable at any age. We all need to be aware, alert, and ready to intervene wherever, whenever, however bullying appears.

The World's Great Anguish

"Mourn not the dead that in the cool earth lie, but rather mourn the apathetic throng, the coward and the meek who see the world's great anguish and its wrong, and dare not speak." -Ralph Chaplin


The Megan Meier tragedy has been on my mind a lot lately. Yesterday I took an informal poll of some upper elementary and high school students, hoping to get a sense of their technology use and their awareness of how to be safe online.

Approximately five of forty 5th and 6th graders said they had their own Myspace or Facebook accounts. A few boys said they occasionally posted messages using another person's log-in. When I reminded them that the legal age for signing up for these services is 14 (the oldest of them were 12 years old), they laughed and said that they just clicked on whatever birth year would allow them to join. Many more of them had webkinz virtual pets. The webkinz owners enjoyed the online interaction and didn't seem bothered by the limited messaging that the official site allows.

It was quite a different story with my high school Current Events students. The boys (our sole female class member was absent) estimated that 2/3 of the middle school and high school population belongs to Myspace or Facebook. They seemed to feel reasonably safe online and accept the fact that our school blocks all social networking and most interactive sites.

Since the Meier case is very much in the news lately, I had my class watch an interview with Megan's parents and read some tips from the Department of Homeland Security on Dealing with Cyberbullies. The students' most interesting reactions were in response to some short YouTube clips, prepared by the non-profit Ad Council.

The first video, Cyberbullying Talent Show featured a fresh-faced little girl standing in front of a school assembly, sweetly listing the things wrong with a classmate ("Her dad doesn't work, they have no money, that's why she wears that nasty pink sweater"). In Cyberbullying Kitchen a similar scenario unfolds as one teenager calmly tells her "friend" (ironically named Megan) that "you are a tramp" and the "most desperate girl [he] knows - besides your Mom". The idea being presented in both vignettes was "If you wouldn't say it in person, why say it online?"

My students seemed shocked by the comments, even though their own language occasionally strays from the "school appropriate". Perhaps they hold girls to a different code of behavior, or perhaps hearing such insults being used in front of a teacher made them uncomfortable. The point that words written online can be just as hurtful as words spoken aloud was well made and well taken.

Although I had heard of a girl being harassed online by her classmates last year, none of the boys said they had ever felt uncomfortable or threatened online. I asked them to write their reaction to the Megan Meier case, and these are some of their responses:

"I think that it's very sad. If people weren't such bullies, she'd probably still be alive, to live her life."

"Cyberbullying is a problem. I think it needs to be dealt with. I am not scared by cyberbullying because I think cyberbullies are little woosies trying to act tough on the internet."

"I think that the whole Megan Meier case is just sad. I think that she should have alerted somebody about it. She shouldn't have done what she did. [committed suicide] They should definitely start making laws concerning Myspace, chat rooms, and other stuff like that."

"I have never been bullied or bullied anyone. It is wrong and should be stopped...There should be certain rules and if they're broken, certain punishments should be set up. It is wrong..."

"I think it should be monitored on Myspace and others [sites]. I think the people [who set up the fake "Josh" account] should be prosecuted."

"I think that this case is very sad. I wish that someone could have helped this girl or that she could have figured out what was really going on."

"Cyberbullying is a problem. Megan Meier should not have died."

"Any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." -John Donne



"Saddness" by RadoB

Timor mortis

Timor mortis conturbat me is a Latin phrase commonly found in late medieval English poetry. It can be translated into a number of different ways, most literally as "fear of death confounds me". However, a better translation in the context of the poetic usage of the phrase is "fear of death upsets me". Another looser translation is "I am scared to death of dying". The phrase comes from a responsory of the medieval Office of the Dead, the third nocturn of Matins...Wikipedia

It was from a Twitter friend that I first learned about the Megan Meier tragedy. This young teenager took her own life after being the victim of cyber bullying on a MySpace account. The disparaging messages that led to Megan's suicide were actually written by adult neighbors monitoring their own daughter's online activities.

Megan Meier's parents thought they were adequately supervising her computer use. They knew about her social networking and had been told of the fictitious "Josh" who was messaging their daughter. When Megan began responding to unexpectedly cruel posts with vulgar language, her mother told insisted that she stop such "upsetting" behavior. Twenty minutes later, Megan Meier was dead by hanging.

Wesley Fryer recommends stronger anti-bullying instruction in schools, more parental involvement in prevention programs, and increased emphasis on positive online experiences like digital storytelling to showcase information literacy skills. He also urges parents and school districts to "encourage students to socially network online in age-appropriate, moderated and non-commercial environments like Imbee.com and/or Think.com."

Tomorrow in class I'll be sharing the story with my high school Current Events students and tackling the issue of cyber bullying. Perhaps I can get them to realize the seriousness of bullying, whether in person or online.

On a dark and cold November evening, my surroundings are as somber as my thoughts. Megan, requiescat in pace.


"The most painful death in all the world is the death of a child. When a child dies, when one child dies—not the 11 per 1,000 we talk about statistically, but the one that a mother held briefly in her arms—he leaves an empty place in a parent’s heart that will never heal." -Thomas H Kean, Governor of New Jersey

"A child miseducated is a child lost." -John F. Kennedy



"Writer's Close 04" by cx1uk

School Safety

Today was our second day of staff meetings and workshops before school opens to students tomorrow morning. We spent our time preparing for events which we hope will never occur.

Michael Dorn, of Safe Havens International, gave an informative, sometimes impassioned and emotional, presentation on school safety. Staff members from two local school districts learned about monitoring students, creating a climate of respect, dealing with irate people, and other key safety practices. We were given concrete examples of how to assess warning signs to determine whether a situation was still in early stages or posed an imminent danger. Consistent behavior codes, firm but reasonable consequences, building security and visitor sign-in procedures were also reviewed.
The culminating session, entitled "Weakfish - Bullying Through the Eyes of a Child", left us horrified, shocked into silence. Bullying is something which does occur, every day, in every school. By creating a school environment not conducive to bullying, by assessing, supervising and intervening, teachers, administrators, and other staff members can "dramatically impact bullied children".

School should be a safe place. A child who is afraid cannot learn.

"Gun-Free" by Shilashon